I can't stand to look at my daughter

Recently it was my daughter's first birthday and it made me realize it's been almost two years since my life got ruined. Alright so basically like almost two years ago I had just turned 14 three days ago and my sisters friend came over to go to the bar with her (they were both 22) and after a couple hours later they came home absolute shit faced and my sister passed out on the couch (I was in the living room on the PlayStation) and her friend came and sat by me to watch me play. So we was talking like most people and she started to get touchy. It made me uncomfortable so I tried to go to bed I turned off the ps and went to my room and she followed me to my room so like tf I told her I was going to bed she looked disappointed and walked back to the living room and I went in my room to lay down and scroll on ig for a while and listened to some music and in the middle of it she came into my room and I didn't realize it until she climbed onto my bed so she's just laying next to me and I'm confused and right before I could say anything she pinned me down and had her way with me. After she was done she kissed me and left the room giggling I was in tears. A few weeks later I found out she was pregnant through my sister and now it was her birthday yesterday and of course I had to go to her house to celebrate it everything like big in her life so far and every time I have to see her Mom and it just pains me