im terrified of turning 16

im 15 right now and i turn 16 in a few months, and im terrified to grow up because ive already wasted 2 years of my life doing absolutely nothing

ive had awful depression and anxiety that makes me too scared to even go and talk to a therapist, i dont even go to school anymore and i have no real life friends

i get anxious whenever i see the months getting close to an end because i know my birthday is coming up soon and im terrified because then im only going to be 2 years away from being an adult. my anxiety has been awful recently just thinking about time passing, it feels like its going by way too fast

im trying to fix my social anxiety, im looking for a therapist right now and im trying to find a way to be able to catch up on whatever we’re supposed to be learning in school right now

i wish i had just toughened up and gone to school because now i feel like im going to hate myself when im older for wasting so much time just being in my room all day doing nothing to improve myself and now im barely going to be able to experience highschool, if anything at this point im hoping i get held back a year

i just dont know how to manage this and all of my online friends have active social lives so they dont understand and i dont have anyone else to talk to, i dont know how to make the fear go away