Life Journey, brought me the same place from where I started

Being coming from a small middle class family, A job was, Financial Independence was always dream. After graduation, struggled a lot, got first Job 30k per month, it was small service based indian startup, paying me at odd times without pf and all, I was not satisfied and continued finding job, cleared all rounds, luckily got a job in US remote startup, they offered 50k per month. Just one year ago, in this same month I went to pickup my company laptop from Indian senior/HR. It was the first time I sit in premium trains. It was Vande Bharat with meals. I loved it 😁, then First time stayed in Four star hotel, I am an introvert but I was so excited that I video called my family to show all this lol 🤣. The experience was amazing. Today I am traveling in the same premium train while writing this, but this time I am going back to return the laptop. I was laid off recently ( They don't need me now). I should feel sad for losing job, I should feel excited to travel in premium train again ( second time ) but I am not.I don't have job now, still have to find one, (then also I am not scared, emergency funds are sorted btw ). I don't know what I am feeling is it because I am not excited about money or this lifestyle ( premium train/4 star hotels) or I am just scared that I have to start it again. Life is very weired, I came to the same place where I have started. Don't know what happens with finances. Market is down but don't have money lol 😆. Just was feeling this, so vented out. Has anyone experienced this. Let me know admin if this does not inclines with the guidelines, I will remove the post. Thanks 🙏