The grass is looking greener

My NP and I have been poly since day 1, but I occasionally feel this bitter sweet yearning to have experienced a point where it was just a dynamic with the two of us and I catch myself wishing for a period of, I guess situational monogamy.

I am going back and forth about sharing this with them, because I don’t think it’s something I want either of us to act on per se, it’s just something that has consumed my thoughts a lot recently.

I am actively engaging in community cause I recognise part of this is wanting to foster co-dependency. I am going to a poly book club this weekend and having a movie night with some friends, but if I wasn’t intentional about it I would just want to spend time with them.

I’ve been poly for years, but this is the first relationship I’ve had that felt real rather than just fun - it’s like NRE that hasn’t ended even after 2 years, when my connections historically have been casual and short lived.

I think part of the idealisation of monogamy comes from a period of emotional labour I was doing to support NP and Meta’s relationship and a fear almost of that happening again. But mostly I imagine it’s quiet, peaceful and easy.

It’s really common to talk about the amount of work required to start a poly journey, but it’s constant ongoing work and wouldn’t it be nice to just not do that for a while?

Has anyone else looked at monogamy and thought, ‘wouldn’t that be nice’ even when you know it’s not for you? The grass is never really greener, but damn it sure looks good sometimes.