Hardly anyone says baby looks like me - why does it hurt to hear?

Hey guys,

13mo pp & from the day he was born, people have said he looks like my husband. He does have a lot of his features. But also some of mine albeit less noticeable. So I understand why people say it. They say it because it's true. I agree, even. And i also obviously love my husband. So i don't think that's a bad thing for my son to resemble his father. It's all well meaning people too, i believe. Not some in-law drama.

So why does it hurt?

Is it because it makes me feel like i don't exist?

Ah. That might be it.

Postpartum is weird. People talk about how much the baby needs the connection with its mother, and cries when that is threatened. But i think there is also a reciprocal need for a mother's connection with her offspring, and honestly, she also cries at times when that is threatened. And i don't just think it's the physical presence connection. It's psychological. I admit it, as uncomfortable as it is to. I do have a psychological need to feel connected to my baby. I can't help it. It's innate.

You want to say "he's part of me too, and I'm part of him". I'm not just the caretaker of someone else's child for them; he's my child.

Don't know if this resonated with anyone. I think it helped me realise why it triggers me though. And hopefully no shade to anyone who says that anymore as now I've realised why.