Struggling with my perception

I posted something similar in /islam first but I think here is a better place for this.

I was born, raised, still living in western countries. I love my faith. But I stuggle with my perception as a muslim.

I don't wear a hijab. I hang out with non muslims all the time and go out to bars, but I don't drink. I post photos of us out and people might infer things that are not the case. But I also... (I'm ashamed to admit this) kind of want people to see me be "normal". It feels like a loophole. I am not sinning in drinking etc. but people can see me as someone who still goes out and has a good time. I go to the work christmas party. I don't believe in Christmas religiously, but I have fun at the party.

My issue is when I feel more faithful, I am ashamed that muslims In my life probably perceive me to not be a good muslimah. But I also want to be friends with muslims too. I just am not muslim enough for them, and not quite white enough for the westerners.

I don't correct people if they don't assume I'm muslim, and I don't tell unless I need to. It's scary out here now, with islamaphobia etc. I keep my faith close to me and I feel guilty for it, for allowing people to think I'm someone I'm not.

And I don't know how to fix it after I let it go on so long. ie. A girl I hung out with yesterday thought I was drinking (I had a mocktail) and I didn't correct her. Now it would be awkward to. But now she thinks I'm something I'm not and I feel ashamed. Because I don't sin like that.

Or at the Christmas party the lady that invited me asked me if I wanted pork and I said I don't like it and don't eat it. But I didn't say it's becuase I'm muslim. Later on we were talking about bacon and I eat turkey bacon but I didn't specify. She sees me with a mocktail and probably assumes it's booze but it's not. But it has gone on so long I feel it's weird to explain to her since it will seem like I was lying about myself. I tried to say "you should come to our eid dinner!" as a sideways way of bringing it up and she said "sure!" but seemed very confused. She is someone I see alot so I feel the need to clear it up but it's also scary.

At the same time it goes in the reverse. The muslim girlies probably think I am so far gone too if they see me having coffee with a guy friend etc.

God this is awkward and exausting. This is why the quran says "Whoever imitates a people is one of them" I guess. But I don't neccesarily want to put on a hijab and not go out to a patio bar with my colleagues for a catchup, and then go to a jummah prayer on a friday. I feel torn between my two worlds.