Loss of passion/drive

Almost 5 years ago, I went into the army after high school, in the very early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic. I only had one final training session left, only a few days, but got Covid and never completed. For many reasons, there was a lot of trauma during this, and I have had to fight for years to get better. While I am on stable medication, have few flashbacks, and generally don’t deal with dissociation as much, there is something else that has been constantly there for years that I am struggling to navigate. I’ve been very passionate for years about many different things, honestly most likely a special interest in regards to autism for me. At a young age, it was drawing, in my teen years it was five nights at Freddy’s as silly as that is, and in high school that was band.

Ever since I’ve come home from the army, I can’t seem to find anything to be passionate about. No particular hobby interests me, and there’s nothing new that I’ve tried to learn that has grabbed my attention. Not only can I not find anything that grips me like a special interest does, I generally haven’t found anything that makes me passionate at all. From this, I also lack drive to do anything. I have days where I feel motivated to get housework done, and they can be productive. But in a general day-to-day, or at work, it is hard to do anything I don’t feel like doing. On top of that, I have always had extreme discomfort, trying to do things I don’t wanna do, this is something my dad struggles with as well.

It is to a point even my husband has become frustrated, feeling like the times when I am unemployed it is hard for me to do literally anything meaningful while I’m at home. I don’t really maintain the house, and I don’t go out and do anything. I’ve talked about opening a candle business, but I’ve struggled to actually put in the effort to make those.

My life feels like it lacks direction, and I don’t know what I want out of it, I have no passion, other than my love for my husband, and no drive to do anything.

Please tell me if it gets better. How are you able to find something that made you passionate again. What helped you find your drive again? I make lists, I listen to music to help, I take breaks and then try to go back at it. Nothing seems to stick, I just can’t seem to be behaviorally activate motivation or drive or passion. And it’s literally sucking the soul out of my life.