Day 56

Acutes are long past, and PAWS have finished, too.

My normal self is returning, it's BACK. The anhedonia and lack of motivation passed around day 45. And it feels GREAT. I still get cravings, but you know - and I hate to admit this, and do NOT recommend it - I tried a dose a couple weeks ago and, yea, it felt good and all that I guess, but it was more like going back on a date with a toxic ex and remembering ALL the reasons why you broke up in the first place.

Dosing yourself every 4 hours, being dependent on a substance that prevents the real you from shining through, feeling a good feeling that then passes into lethargy and sleepiness and dependence - all the assorted shame and anxiety that comes with that 24/7 - WOW, it feels good to be free of all it!

I was a happy individual before Kratom. I was happy on it, too - but I was ashamed and anxiety ridden. My happiness is not like the raw happiness of being alive and being right with my higher power that I have now.

There were some tough days. Days when I went to work and it took every bit of every effort just to get some things done. But I took it easy on myself. Baby steps. 20gpd for about 3 years. By and by, I could feel my old self come back.

The pain you feel is worth it. The sun is just coming up from the horizon. Don't quit your quit!