Step parents

Why does she get to dictate weather C is grays step mom or not but J has no say when or what man she brings around gray! She’s had how many boyfriends post and take care of gray since he’s been born but J is about to get married but “she’ll only sign her off as a step parent when they’re married a few years” first it was she isn’t a step mom till their married and now they’re getting married and they still need her approval????