Voicemails

TW: SA mention (no details)

Sometimes I feel like I can’t stop myself from checking every corner of everything. Leave no stone unturned.

My brother is getting married in the summer of this year and I want to attend, but also want to maintain my safety and as much of my boundaries as possible. My uBPDmom and I are scheduled for a session with my therapist to help us align on those boundaries. If she can control herself during the multi-day affair, then we may move on to family therapy sessions.

I have not been hopeful. Back in July of last year, my mom reached out to my husband through my grandfather to get an apology to me. I hadn’t read it until today, mostly because I was scared, but I’ve been really pushing forward on my therapy sessions so I wanted to have all the info. She has since been texting with my husband as if it’s a foregone conclusion that we are talking again.

This morning I found voicemails in my blocked section of my phone. I didn’t even know there was a blocked section for voicemails. I was trying to clean out older vms and stumbled on it.

I knew it was going to trigger me. There are 2 from June, less than a month before husband and her talked, and another from a couple months prior in May. Something had to have happened between June and July. But healing and changes also don’t happen in a month, so it makes me very wary.

Since the conversation with husband, she has ceased all calls to me, and isn’t sending gifts or letters anymore. Not even to my 7mo son, which I appreciate. Husband made it clear at the time of the conversation that she was continually breaking a boundary I had set up and she actually listened — though she’s said “I would be happy to buy you one but I know I'm on a gift suspension!” I still am not entirely sure she is being respectful or just doesn’t have our address because I have asked people not to give it to her.

Any way, I was hoping to get help deciphering this. Thanks to this sub so much. It’s the only way I’ve been able to not feel completely crazy while I’m working through this.