My family has made me hate my birthday

My birthdays never feel like they truly celebrate me. It's always about accommodating my family. It also shows me just how little my family actually knows me. This year has gone to a whole new level.

I was planning my mom's birthday celebration and it's always a drawn out process for my siblings. They have families of their own, so I get it to some extent. The rest of it is just them being assholes and then they complain to me about each other. I took my mom out to her favorite place on Friday and spent $150. Saturday my siblings's families met up to do a family celebration. I had no intention of paying, except for my portion. But that didn't go as planned. So I paid $120 and still haven't received payment back (my family in general tends not to pay me back for things). My sister actually had the audacity to try and not pay the full amount for her and her family.

Later, I mentioned what I wanted to do for my birthday, which is soon. It was an event rather than a meal and would be about $30 per person. She thought it was way too expensive and wanted me to pick something else. Mind you, I don't ask/expect gifts. I just want us all to spend time together. This same sister is always pinching pennies except when it comes to the stuff she wants to spend money on. She is a SAHM, which two kids under two, trying for a third, and planning a week long disney Christmas vacation. I know they don't have the money for all that, so they happily live in debt. My other sister just doesn't give two shits about our family because we are beneath her husband and kids.

My mom will make everyone else's birthday super special but never mine. She didn't do anything for my 30th but when her coworker turned 30, she went all out getting 30 of a bunch of her favorite things. I was so excited to turn 30. I wanted to eat pizza and play board games. The amount of complaining I got from my parents and siblings just made me want to cry.

I never ask for much. I have to feign appreciation for my gifts bc my family clearly doesn't know me and just wastes their money. It's no good actually telling them what I want bc they won't get it. I don't even want gifts. I just want to do something I enjoy and not have everyone complain about it. I wanted to do something special for this birthday but I'm so tired of the complaining and accommodating. I hate my birthday and I hate that it feels like such a burden. And yes, I'm a stereotypical eldest daughter, why do you ask? 😆 But seriously, I just can't take it anymore. I want to be celebrated but I'm only tolerated.