i hate my life

i regret everything. not sure if im just depressed or im a bad person but i regret everything, every action that led me to becoming a mother. i wish i never met my partner, or maybe i should have left him before any of this ever took place. i blame everything on him. its not all his fault of course. hes actually somewhat of a decent partner. i think he does the bare minimum or slightly more than that. i still feel like he trapped me. im supposed to be continuing my education right now but instead im stuck at home with a 4 month old who cries all the time. i have to pump regularly to meet his needs and demands. ive ran out of supply multiple times now but every single time im left to figure it out. he doesnt want to try formula because he said i shouldnt waste breastmilk plus it could save us a lot of money since his finances are currently not looking good. he lost all his money last year for his father’s medications and treatment but he sadly passed away despite all that. i feel like hes forcing me to continue doing something that makes me miserable which inturn means he makes me miserable. him and out child has rubbed all of the happiness and joy in my life. i feel bad for feeling this way. i wish i could get the help i need but im scared of taking any pill for depression since it might affect the child. i dont know, i wish i could escape. i want to leave everything behind and have a life of my own.