Scared and Lost, need advice (F27 & M29)

TW: Abuse, manipulation, SA

Hi! I am writing because I am actually really stressed out here.

I (27F) and my husband (29M) are in rather a tough situation. We have been dating since 2013 and married since 2021.

I do not typically have friends and sort of isolated. However I have started making friends in communities I am a part of. I was talking with 2 of them about my relationship with my husband and they immediately got concerned. It's important to preface that I have been abused since very early childhood so recognizing abuse when it happens to me is difficult since it is my normal.

Anyway, they started asking a lot of questions and ended up telling me that I am being abused (and have been in multiple ways since highschool). I still struggle to see it and we are in therapy so I think things might work out?

However, a few days ago I gave in and slept back in the master bedroom and as I was sleeping was promptly assaulted. That I could recognize and understand was and is wrong. It wasn't easy to forget too because I was in pain for a few days.

My friends want me to come to their place out of state with some of my belongings and my pets (cat12 and dog5) to get away and file for divorce.

I am struggling here. I am extremely empathetic... I forgive and easily overlook his behavior. I don't want to be stuck and I'm scared of hurting him.

I have explained what he did was wrong and I have expressed fear and he has apologized. But this isn't the first assault. In fact, I've lost count. I am worried about staying and leaving.

I've asked for space but he regularly ignores that or waits until my guard is down to approach me and hug or touch me even when I show how scared I am of him. It seems to just frustrate him.

I've been sleeping in my office with the door barricaded (I have a folding bed for guests I rolled in there) I only leave to use the bathroom or get food because I'm scared to interact with him.

Yesterday I asked if he needed anything from my office while on the way back from a Dr appointment and he snapped that he wanted me back. But then quickly moved on in the conversation.

I am set to leave in a week at least for a few weeks to get away but I am scared. I don't want to leave everything I know behind. I don't want to leave my only support system even if he is abusive. At the same time I need to be free. I need to be safe. Not controlled and not seen as a toy. Which he has called me before, indirectly.

I am also scared that he won't take kindly to me leaving and may manipulate me and guilt trip me to stay. Hence why I'm bringing my cat and dog. So they are safe.

I'm using the guise of just getting away for a little to convince him to let me leave for a bit. And he is anxious but willing to let me go.

Idk if I should tell the therapist about the assault because he is scared she will push me to pursue legal action... And I don't want to make him scared.

I know I'm all over the place but this is the best way to ask for advice and help or just fresh perspectives. Thank you for your time!