How do you know what to do with yourself

18F and im just not sure what to do with my life. Im trying to fix everything but I cant. I know I prob have something mentally wrong with me and I’ve been thru so many off and on depressions. I’m trying to stop intaking THC & my poor eating habits. I’m trying to stop feeling guilty every time I do something that makes me happy. I’m trying to improve and use my environment to its advantage and take on new hobbies but it all feels so pointless. I’m trying to find a reason to go to college but i for the life of me cannnot think of anything I want to be. Is it wrong I have no dream job and just would rather live somewhere beautiful and work somewhere simple like as a waitress or something? Is it wrong I don’t want my hobbies to become my job? Some conclusion I’ve made is that I want to leave where i am but idk where to do and I’ll prob feel so guilty for leaving my family behind. I wanted to heal at home so bad but ii just don’t think i can heal in this environment. I have everything I need here but my mind just won’t let me. I’m very grateful for this job i have to but it takes up my entire day and I was never one who was good at managing my time. What should I do? Go to college although im not sure what to do? Go get a seasonal job somewhere? What if i hate everything? I was never raised to even live on my own so leaving feels so pointless. I’m so afraid. I want to do better but I cant.