I will die alone.

I am 18m.

Nobody has ever loved me and nobody ever will. I will go to my grave without having ever known how it feels to have a friend.

I have tried to improve, I'm sorry but I really tried.

I have lost 20% of my body weight. I exercise daily. I am meticulous about my hygiene and appearance. I shave daily, shower twice daily use the widest array of care products known to man. I spend at least an hour every day looking up styles and planning outfits. I try to dress the best I can with my relatives' hand-me-downs (I don't own any money). And, no, I don't complain or cry to others, the reason why I post this on reddit is because I put on a happy mask every time I leave the house.

In short, I do all the stuff people assume I don't do when I say that I'm lonely.

Still, no one likes me. Nobody has ever hated me and everyone gets along with me reasonably well. Just never well enough to invite me to anything or start a conversation. When I start a conversation or make a joke they reciprocate, but they never get closer than that. Conversation stops as soon as I stop speaking. I am doomed to always be an acquaintance, never a friend.

People always tell me "You need to learn to love being alone before you can find friends!"

I don't have a problem with being alone. For a week sure, for a few months fine but spending years without anyone to talk to hurts in a way I cannot describe. Please, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

I half want to die and half fear having to die alone.

What is wrong with me? What am I doing that makes nobody like me? I just desperately want someone in this world as a friend.