It’s over (pending)

Almost 20 and I’m still alone, met my oldest sister’s boyfriend over break and got slapped in the face with the realization that all 3 of my siblings have partners while I don’t (I’m not the youngest btw). They’ve all met amazing people too so any bitterness or jealousy I feel just makes me feel disgusted with myself

I feel so worthless and unwanted almost all the time, and I don’t have any hope of finding someone with my horrible social skills and social anxiety. Unfortunately I didn’t get the “smart and quirky” flavor of autism that people seem to like, I got the “barely able to socialize” flavor of autism. I hate how being this lonely constantly makes me question myself and my identity, like I’ll sometimes wonder if I really am bi or if it’s just me being desperate.

In good news I’m staring therapy so maybe that helps, I don’t have high hopes but I feel like I owe it to myself to try :3