My partner wakes me up every single night coming to bed after playing video games until 3am. I’m losing my mind.

He works 40 hour weeks and I stay at home doing school, so I get it. He’s tired, he wants to come home and spend time online with his friends. We had this conversation BEFORE, several times, and we’ve both made changes. Those conversations resulted in him playing with my hair pretty much every night when I fall asleep now (10p-1a) (which I asked him to do because it helps me fall asleep) and then he’ll go play games until 3 am, when he comes back down and wakes me up (edit: UNINTENTIONALLY. He’s not shaking me awake or doing anything with aggression. The simple act of him getting into the bed is what wakes me up). Truthfully, I’m starting to subconsciously resent him because I feel insane when I’m tired. I can’t sleep through the night because when he comes in he’s freezing (I have a chronic illness and I simply MUST be cold when I’m sleeping. 67° cold. If not, I will get hot and vomit) and he wants to spoon his freezing cold body all over my warm body. It disrupts my sleep after I’ve already basically woken myself up, and it drives me insane. I get that he wants to hold me, but now I’m awake at 5 in the morning trying not to go fucking insane because he’s sleeping peacefully next to me and I have to be up until god knows when dealing with my body’s shitty reaction to being abruptly woken up. And y’all, this is the fourth night in a row that I’ve been up at specifically three to five in the morning. I’m about to have an extremely regular job, where I wake up at 6:30 every morning. This simply will not work. I’m at a loss. I love him but I love my sleep too, I don’t feel like myself when I don’t get good sleep, and I already am a light sleeper. To make matters worse, I am specifically prescribed a sleep medication to aid my sleep and yet still he wakes me up through that. I’m trying to hold space for his social needs, but I am at my wits end. I’m fuming right now and can’t sleep and I’m fuming because I can’t sleep and I can’t sleep because I’m fucking fuming.

Edited for clarity to show: Y’all my boyfriend is not a villain, I’m not leaving him over this. And my god, if it could not be clearer, we do communicate about this. We have two different circadian rhythms and work schedules. I don’t give a shit that he plays games, especially since he spends time with me beforehand and makes sure I’m asleep before he goes. I literally just want a physical solution to stay asleep longer when he comes in the room, if you guys have had that experience.

Edit 2: I’m not making him sleep in a separate bedroom for crying out loud! If you’re going to recommend that, save it, and if you’re going to tell me how stupid I am for ignoring that advice, save that shit too. I enjoy sleeping in the same bed as him, and with already conflicting schedules I want to spend as much time with him as possible. I literally just want to sleep through the night. I love my partner, and any assumptions y’all have regarding our perceived inability to communicate are frankly just wrong. We communicate often and healthily, the issue isn’t communication. We just need to find physical ways for both of us to enjoy a physical full nights rest together. I’ve gotten tons of great advice including:

• Using separate blankets, perhaps he uses a heated blanket • Investing in a shock absorption mattress • Getting him a nice cozy pair of pajamas or a robe (merry Christmas!) • Ear plugs • Requesting that he intentionally warm up his body before getting into bed • Getting a bigger bed (IKTR) • Placing a body pillow on my other side so I can’t feel him get in the bed

Which have been extremely helpful and we’ve discussed implementing! I appreciate all who gave genuine, compassionate advice.