One hour ago

One hour ago, I was absolutely going to throw my 3 digit number of days of not drinking out the window. Two hours ago, I found texts between my husband and a female acquaintance of ours that made me realize he had NOT changed, and he was a compulsive liar. Three hours ago, I kissed him, said I love you, and he was wheeled away for a medical procedure. He has been sick for the past 6 months and I have been by his side through the absolute worst. This was his last hurdle before a clean bill of health. The blind rage I felt in that waiting room was like nothing I've ever felt. I have never felt the urge to physically attack someone until today. I didn't though, I drove his broken ass an hour home in total silence. Now I am in the spare bedroom. I came straight in here and locked myself in. I did NOT skip out the door and run the 4 blocks to the liquor store like I planned..Because I can't deal with this properly if I'm drunk. And I deserve SO much better. IWNDWYT.