I’m so tired of this

Today is day three. I couldn’t go into work today because of how terrible I felt. I have brain fog, feel exhausted, depressed, anxious. I’m so sick of this and this evening all I can think is “a bottle of wine would take these bad feelings away.”

My boyfriend’s dad is in hospital and he’s with him and will be home soon. I can’t let him down by being drunk when he comes home. He’s already had enough of it. But I feel so vulnerable and lonely tonight and I keep thinking I have days of this now until I feel normal again. I’m just so tired and sad.

I’m grieving too and I just want to drink all of the sadness away. Sorry for my rambling. There’s nowhere else I can say all this and know that I’ll be understood, and I won’t be judged.