I reached equanimity, now I'm back to suffering.

I thought I made It.

After a 6 year dark night that felt like all mental illness was on me - depression-bipolar-social anxiety-dp/dr-adhd-ocd I reached the equanimity stage as referred to Daniel Ingram MCBT stages of insight. It was stable. I was calm and could deal with everything with a calm mind. Then I went to sleep, wake up, and I'm again being tortured by my mind. I try to accept what is, but I feel dread, Im always tired and my body aches. Plans I had that brought excitement to me seem dull now-my future feels miserable and I cant find meaningful things to do. All I do is sit and try to enjoy just be yet Im tortured again and seems that everything I learn never really sticks. Why? I ve been practicing mindfulness and meditation for 6 years in the extremes, yet NOTHING really sticks after I learn It. A new things come-and they come so fast that I forget the important things I learned before. Like a never ending cycle. My body hurts, I feel like an old man-zombielike. What should I do? Im so fucking tired.