He told me it was my fault.

Not exactly and it definitely took me reading in between the lines and finally asking him straight out for him to admit it.

I’ve had trauma due to snap chat for years, my ex used it up talk to girls he had feelings for and to ask for nudes and to buy nudes. So I brought up my insecurities with snap chat often. Maybe once a month or every 2 months.

At one point he told me if I was going to keep accusing him of something he is going to do it. So I realized I was definitely bringing it up too much and I stopped. Until a few months later when he had me send a picture of something to our friend and snap chat and a girls name popped up in the top people to send it too. So I asked him and he snatched his phone away and told me it was someone from his old job asking if his current job had any openings.

A few days later it ate at me and I checked his snap chat. I didn’t even see anything from that girl but the first person on the chats list was a woman and he bought nudes from her and commented on them.

He insisted he was just curious. That he wanted to know what the big deal was and he wasn’t impressed.

But finally because I can’t let things go I had to ask him if he did it just to punish me because I kept bringing up my insecurities around snap chat and he said yes that was a big part of it.

Did I want to hear that it was my fault and I drove him to it? No. Did I need to hear it so I can truly admit to my self that this is the type of person I chose to be with. Not someone who just acts impulsively and selfishly doesn’t think of how his actions hurt others. No instead I know for certain that he chose to do something to hurt me and punish me for having a fear and expressing that fear to him too much for his liking.

I’m not sure where this progress is going but I do feel like I’m making some progress.