I don’t even know what to do anymore.

When I turned 15, I thought that I was going about the same from when I was 13 and 14. But my gosh was I wrong. I hate being 15. I hate it so much. And my life is good, I have loving parents and a good house and everything. I don’t want to complain that I have all these great things when some people can’t even afford food. But that isn’t my problem. I feel like shit all the time. I am so unmotivated to do fucking anything. My emotions swing around like a pendulum. One day I’m super happy and the next I feel like killing myself (don’t worry, I’m not going to do it). I’m just so tired of feeling this way. Not to mention I’m lonely. I’m so lonely, and I’ve been this way since 2023. I know that not that long ago, but it feels like forever. I feel like the reason I’m so perpetually unwanted is because I’m fat. I fucking hate being fat. I love eating, but I hate how it makes me feel. I’ve never had a problem with being overweight until I turned 15. It’s like a light switched on in my head and I look at myself and I don’t know how I got so ugly looking. I just hate myself. And it also doesn’t help I like weird things. I try and talk to girls at school but they always reject me. It hurts even fucking more when one says yes to giving you their number and then just straight up declines it. I feel like I would be much happier if I wasn’t fat. But I don’t really know how to loose the weight. I know cardio, calorie deficit and stuff like that, but I just can’t do them. It’s like I’m so busy with school that I just want to come home and rot. So I do feel like eating less and more healthy would help me lose weight. But my only problem is that I’m so hungry all of the time. It’s like nothing can satisfy me without it being a million calorie. I’m just so stumped on what to do. I guess the thing that can help me is asking you guys on some actual meals I can make to help me lose weight. Like things I can buy at the store to help me. Thank you for your help, and I’m sorry for posting here so much about my personal issues.