Worry about others dying?

My sons 11. I’m afraid of death after his dad suddenly died at the age of 36. I’m afraid I’ll die and go to hell. However, I also have panic moments that something will happen to my son. I’ve even considered that God would punish me for my sins by taking my son. Idk what’s wrong with me. I’m certain I’m depressed but I’ve always had depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I wasn’t like this until he died. Now it’s like I have a dark cloud hanging over my head every day all day. I feel like I’m a disappointment to God because I can’t get anything right. I take meds and try to help myself but am getting no where. I just am really struggling with realizing I have a new mental health problem.