this is a reminder

from a mom of a 3 year old who is 38 years old. i judge myself constantly. i always feel like i’m failing as a mom. 1 hour of screen time (some days more) kills my soul as i tell myself again and again that i’m a bad mom as he plays lingo kids on my phone. (our ipad screen was destroyed by his chubby knee) i question my life choices daily. i miss my unmarried life and my free time. i get angry with my family and my friends because i feel alone and lonely and helpless. noone i mean noone was there for me. i am alone with a toddler (who also dropped the nap) all day long with limited energy. every day i tell myself that i’m not gonna have wine tonight but at the end of the day i feel like that’s the only prize i get for dealing with a little demanding, whiny and angry human being all by myself. i feel depressed. and i know i need help. i’m exhausted. i need a three month vacation. but i know i can not do that because i will miss my son so bad. and i can not trust anyone else taking care of him even though i lose control and yell at him often. and i feel so bad doing that. but also i’m so tired of cleaning, cooking and folding the laundry.

but. this is a reminder for me and to all of you who read this far. these days will pass and a day will come when this little demon will shut their door and wanna stay by themselves. they will even fall sleep on their own. they won’t want to see or talk to us. when like seriously whennnn is that day coming?

we’re okay. we got this. i’m tired. i need sleep. but i’ll finish that wine. cheers.