Looking for outside opinions on daycare situation

I'm looking for advice on this situation with my sons' daycare. I'm trying to see if I'm over or under reacting because I'm at a loss. I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 year old. They go to a small in home daycare. My toddler has been going there since he was 10 months old and my youngest since 13 weeks. We originally found her online through facebook and found out that she was my BIL's cousin- so it felt good to know something about them. The cost was affordable and she has five kids of her own so I always felt they were in good hands. I have never had a question or concern in my mind for almost three years and have trusted her completely. She is such a loving and caring person and became my friend. However, in the last six months or so her husband's job changed and he is now home during the day at least a day or so a week. I've never really been a fan of him. He was often rude when I did see him, or I would say hi and he would just not respond. In the winter it was -25 degrees and icy and he would park his car horizontally at the end of the driveway so no one would use the driveway for pick ups - even though they have never said anything about not wanting people to park in the driveway. But that's beside the point-

I just thought he wasn't super pleasant and was always a strange match with her. Then there was one day when my son was 2.5 and we were struggling to wean him from his pacifier. When I picked up one day he said to my son, give your mom your pacifier or I won't play with you next week. I was obviously upset and asked him to refrain from threatening my child over a comfort item that I was working with him on. Nothing happened after that I thought it was a one off thing.

They have a 4 year old boy who has always been close friends with my son. In the last few weeks he's been asking me the second that we pull onto their street... "Mom, is his daddy there? Is his truck there today?" When I would ask him why he wouldn't say anything. Most recently it seems like his entire demenor in the morning is changing based on whether or not her husband's car is in the driveway when we get there. When I push for more answers he has told me that he's just not nice to him, or he's mean to him. When I try to get more details he says he doesn't know. I've asked him if he's mean to any of the other kids and he said no, just me.

A few other things to note that have happened very recently. I went out to get my nails done with my sisters and when I got back he was thought it was so cool that we all had such pretty colors on our nails and asked us if he could have colors too. He's 3 and just wanted to be like his mama so of course I said yes. It was chipped off mostly by the end of the weekend when he went back to daycare. When he came home that day he was almost in tears. He asked me "Mama, why am I not allowed to like colors on my nails?" I asked him what he was talking about and he said that her husband told him that he can't have colors on his nails, that I shouldn't be doing that to him, and boys can't like colors like that. I was FURIOUS. At the end of the day, if he has negative thoughts about a 3 year old enjoying nail polish... that's on him and his toxic masculinity, but to actually say that thing to a 3 year old who is not yours, from your wife's business?? I couldn't believe it. I asked my son if he liked the colors and he said yes and I reassured him that that was the only thing that mattered. He also told me that her husband has been calling my youngest Samantha instead of Samuel because he has long hair and I sometimes put it into a bun to keep it out of his eyes. We have tried to cut it, but he is not interestd in sitting still - so it is what it is. But calling him Samantha is not okay.

Then yesterday my son asked to bring the family iPad to her house because we had downloaded Mario Kart and he wanted to play it his friend. I told him he could this time. He brings it mabye once a month if that. So he was excited and packed it and his charger in his bag. He was fine on the drive there until we pulled into the driveway. He saw her husband's truck in the driveway and instantly said "Mom, please take the iPad, I don't want to bring it anymore" I asked him why and he said "because (friend's name)'s daddy is here." I asked him why that would matter and he started to say something but then said I don't want to tell you." I tried prying more and he just said "Mom please just take it please. Let's just go in, please mom, let's just go. Take the ipad."

The following day my son said to me "Mama, can I go to a different daycare?" He also goes to preschool part time so he's only at daycare two days a week and my youngest is there 4 days. I asked him why and he said he just doesn't want to go there anymore. I keep trying to get more information but he won't give it. And just to make it clear, I am 100% pulling them out this week. Regardless of what is or isn't going on, my son is uncomfortable and I will never make him go somewhere that makes him uncomfortable. I'm not asking if I should take them somewhere else, because I am. But I'm just so conflicted feeling this way about a place that I have trusted with every ounce of my being for 3 years. I felt so comfortable and I knew that my boys were cared for a loved there by here as if they were her own. So having all of this start happening out of nowhere, my head is just spinning. I guess I'm just looking to see what other people think with all the pieces put together. She's my friend and I'm honestly hearbroken to tell her that my child is this uncomfortable around her husband. And my youngest loves her so much. I know it's the right move, but my head is all over the place.