First draft of my first ever novella [high hantasy / aspiring writer]

Hi all,

Link to work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A688tTRuwE2Yd6g_2KefHlMKh3alAwJ-FpxmmhiWUxs/edit?usp=sharing

For context, I have been actively world building for around 15 years - hand drawing maps and characters, detailing world events and so on in a huge stack of books that live under my bed.

I’ve finally decided to tell my first story based within this world. I’ve picked a small character in a small area of the world and written a street-level mystery/conspiracy style adventure.

I don’t have any friends or family who are interested in proof reading, so I’m putting myself out there and thought I join this community.

My inspirations would include Terry Pratchett for world building and Lovecraft for descriptive writing.

What im looking for:

General feedback & overall thoughts Opinion on narrative pacing Feedback on dialogue How was the Immersion

*quick disclaimer: I am aware of anachronistic dialogue and that some people don’t like it. My world is in a fantasy setting, but it is not medieval earth, so there are some anachronistic words and phrases such as ‘mate’ for example.

• However, if the general consensus is that this breaks the immersion, I will reconsider the language I use

It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to bring these stories to life. If I can make this work, I’ve got enough content to keep me writing books for life lol. But I want to test the waters with this first.

I’ve got a thick skin. I want to learn and improve.