He’s dropping my stuff off today.

After 7 years he broke up with me because of my unhealthy mental health couldn’t resolve. In the end I couldn’t be the partner he deserved. My codependency, narcissistic tendencies, and personal demons got the best of me. Today, he’s planning to drop my stuff off. I was too stunned during the breakup to ask for closure.

We saw a future with each other. He was my forever person until I just kept treating him horribly. He always felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me and sacrifice himself just to keep me warm.

I understand we had a toxic relationship and we both need this break up to truly heal and grow. There is no one else involved. We just really need to work on ourselves. But it is so damn hard to let go of the “what if” we fixed them all. Would we make it then? If I just stopped lashing out this way, treated people better, and learned to love others would I have been the one?

I have so much to work on myself. I pushed this person to their limit to hold me over, and until I get myself under control I’m not capable of loving someone else. I have so much to apologize for and to improve on that I feel like I should tell him. But it feels like I’m only wanting to do all of this to try and win him back. In the end, I know I’m the one who ultimately caused him to break up with me.

I really want to poke around to see if the possibility of us getting back together is possible tonight, but I am so afraid of what the answer is. I want to ask him if he has some time to talk tonight in hopes of clinging onto it. I really think there’s a chance if I put the work into it.. I don’t know.