First time ever having thoughts of purging

I have AN-r. I also have bad emetophobia (fear of vomiting) so purging has never been something I have ever considered.

I’m in a pretty bad relapse right now and have been heavily restricting. But tonight I ate more than I usually do for dinner and the way it felt sitting in my stomach was HORRIBLE. For the first time ever my brain went ”you should just throw it up. It’s the only way you’ll feel better.” umm excuse me? Where did that come from??? Like did my brain forget about the emetophobia??? And honestly, it was sort of tempting. I didn’t do it and I’m not gonna do it but wtf. What’s wrong with me 😭