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The visiting dignitaries stared in disbelief when I explained it wasn't a publicity stunt or reality show, that he really was the leader of this nation.

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"I just got the hang of Moosie and Poutine, but now I gotta deal with another tiny penis-potato," lamented the jock.

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I was startled to see, at my front door, the woman whom my boyfr — EX-boyfriend — left me for.

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I always wonder why, when I tell the adults that my father turns into a monster after he takes his special medicine, they look at me with pity instead of finding a place to hide.

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I was shocked to hear my mother pleading for me not to jump.

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"Look behind you!" he shouted, but I wasn't falling for it.

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"My one regret is not being able to meet my grandchild," I lamented.

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"Oh, you mean Axis and Allies," I corrected my friend after he told me his favorite game.

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Seeing the worms writhe beneath his scalp made my own head itch.

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I tried to nonchalantly act as though I hadn't been messing around with the experimental invisibility ray.

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The physical and even mental wounds will heal over time.

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I became so obsessed with losing weight that I shaved off all my hair for those precious few ounces, but it wasn't enough.

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I frantically repeated the magic phrase over and over again, yet the invisible barrier still blocked my path.

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"I wouldn't dare accuse you of blatantly lying without being able to prove it."

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I feel neither blessed nor favored by the gods for having survived while everyone else perished.

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The remarkable thing about the shark that unexpectedly leapt onto the deck of the boat was the look of sheer terror on its face before it suffocated to death.

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ATN: Alternate Timeline News

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Instead of a PB&J, my scientist wife decided she just wanted jelly sandwich, and wanted it right away.

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After they pulled me from the wreckage, the paramedics asked if there was anyone, like friends or family, they could contact.

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I had the displeasure of seeing the serrated tongue of a Canada goose up close when it attacked me.

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Walking around the animal shelter, I didn't find the pet I wanted.

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"Are you breaking up with me because you found out I'm trans?"

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"Stop, Daddy, STOP!" my daughter cried.

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"My children will never know how much I sacrificed to give them the life they deserve."

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Even though my job interview was successful, I still couldn't understand how finding the flaw in the chain mail so quickly was a testament to my character.

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